Nightly contemplation
by rajlez33
Summary: Kelly trying to deal with everything that happened recently. Post 5x05 Can be read as standalone or as continuation of "Talks" and "Coping"


**A little something I posted weeks ago on AO3 but forgot to do so here, hope you'll enjoy!**

It's been a long day and night for Kelly, luckily, night because of more pleasurable reasons, which are responsible for her laying next to equally naked Alex. Who is also a sleeping Alex, laying on her stomach, head turned away. Kelly swallows. Bed linen covers lower part of Alex's body, up to her waist, leaving her back vulnerable to Kelly's eyes, in huge part thanks to the moonlight falling through the windows, illuminating the room.

And God, she uses that chance.

The obvious reason is Alex's back being a sight to behold. Years at DEO done it a lot of good, shaping it into muscular, but still lean form. Kelly bites her lower lip, it _is _a nice view, even _very nice_. It's amplified by red marks, left by Kelly's own hands and fingers hours ago. A reminder of what they were doing.

Their love making.

It's not a term she'd use aloud, because of the love part of it, especially near Alex, no, not yet. Not when she knows the story of Alex's engagement, how she thinks that, in retrospect she and Maggie moved too fast. No. Kelly will follow Alex's lead and wait for the right time.

That doesn't stop her from thinking it though, from realising that she is indeed falling for Alex, or maybe she had fallen already? That she is looking forward to building a life with her, having kids that Alex wants so much. Kelly delicately touches the back, trailing fingers, up and down, up and down, watching how goosebumps show on Alex's skin in the wake of her touch, even if Alex hadn't stirred.

She loves the effect she has on the woman.

During the movement, her fingers come across several unevenness - tonight's old, small cuts made by Kelly's nails here and there, another reminder of their earlier activities and how much she enjoyed them. In between are old scars that she still doesn't know origins of, also a reminder, but different kind. A kind that is connected to the reason why this day was difficult and long.

What happened at waterfront.

She knew Alex has dangerous job even before meeting her, thanks to Kara and James. At the time she thought she works for FBI though. Kelly snorts quietly at the thought. If Alex worked for FBI she wouldn't have to worry about her safety so much. But DEO? Fighting against superpowered beings that even Supergirl has sometimes a problem defeating?

And everything that happened today...

Kelly swallows. Putting hand flatly on Alex's back, feeling it raise with every breath, it's warmth, proving that Alex is alive, that she is here despite... Kelly closes her eyes, as it could help in pausing the thoughts, memories of the tower crane falling on all those people, on Alex.

It doesn't help.

And she remembers well the panic she felt, still feels deep inside. The fear that something can happen to her girlfriend, that one day she may not come back to her. That she will have to learn how to live without someone she loves yet again. Kelly takes shaky breath, as silently as she can while fighting tears.

No, Alex is here, alive, with her. And she knows Kelly's fear is something they should talk about, at the same time one talk won't end the problem. As far as she knows Alex is already going on missions more rarely than she was in the past and it's not like she can stop completely. It's not Alex's style. All the time that Kelly knows her... with every day she is shown again and again that her parents knew what they were doing when they choose Alex's name. She is the protector, in all ways possible, one could say it's in her DNA. And fight against her DNA and instinct? Kelly wants to shake her head. No, it would change Alex fully.

But they will talk about Kelly's fear. This is something Kelly promised to herself as soon as she knew it won't happen today. Because she wanted to talk about it, but when she walked in and saw Alex in that robe, practically offering herself...

God, there was no chance.

She was able to control herself for a while, the fear helping her this one time, enough for Alex to give her the present, for Kelly to hug her, to thank Alex for being there. And she already knows, she will always be thankful for Alex coming back home, to her. But then? She is only human and everything summed up. Alex's attire, the clear undertones in what she was saying and how, Kelly's need to feel her against her.

And she was _thoroughly _reassured.

Kelly bites her lower lip, just now realizing what she thought, cheeks heating up. Yes, she wants to be Alex's home. At least part of it. Part of what Kara, J'onn and Alex's mom and others create, what they mean to her. She doesn't know how she will survive constant worrying about Alex yet, doesn't know how Alex's mom deals with it. By now she is not wondering how Kara or J'onn do it, after all Kara gets herself into even more dangerous situations, considering that she is only a civilian, while J'onn is an alien and usually there with Alex to help her.

Just like Supergirl.

Kelly can feel corner of her mouth raising. She always, to some extent understood Lucy's weariness when it came to James working with Superman. Now though? Now she understands it even better. Still... there is a difference. Working with Supergirl is part of Alex's job. Very dangerous job. Poor Eliza, how does she deal with her daughters doing things they do?

Maybe the distance helps?

Not like she'd be able to stay away from her girlfriend. But seeing that crane falling and the explosive vest on the director not too long ago... and Alex stays so calm and as confident as always through all of this. Kelly's fingers dig a little into Alex's back, who turns her head to Kelly, still sleeping. Considering everything, she doesn't think those two incidents, or even the whole Lex Luthor situation, were the most dangerous in Alex's life. And what does it say? What is worse than having explosive vest put on you, set to blow up in less than a minute? But there has to be something and this something must've happened to Alex, since she wasn't fazed by whole crane falling or explosive vest ordeals.

Kelly relaxes her her hand, curling it into loose fist, index finger trailing down Alex's neck, then back, touching several scars, cuts, going down the spine to end on small of Alex's back. And rest there for some time. Finally Kelly props up her upper body, leaning over Alex and kisses the skin between shoulder blades. She leaves small, delicate kisses, doing her best to not wake Alex up but also cover whole skin area she choosen.

And she succeds!

At least she thinks so, till she lays down again and Alex's open eyes focus on her

"Hey" - says Alex, reaching out with one arm and placing it on Kelly's naked abdomen - "Can't sleep? Is everything okay?" - the concern in Alex's words and eyes, right after being woken up, makes Kelly melt inside. This woman...

She starts moving hand up and down Alex's arm, as far as she can reach, second hand touches Alex's cheek, before answering - "You don't have to worry now." - and because of the glint in Alex eyes, even if it's dimmed by the sleepiness, she knows her girlfriend caught the meaning. That she knows that there is something bothering Kelly, but it's not right moment to get into it.

She can see Alex licking her lips and pulling herself closer to Kelly. Now, both of them are laying on their sides, mirroring each other, their bodies almost touching - "Okay, not now."

Kelly smiles at that, moving even closer, now they are touching and no matter how many times it happens, it's always an amazing feeling. She kisses Alex, it's slow and sensual. No need for roughness, nor the amounts of passion they had for each other earlier today. It led Kelly to leave a trail of hickeys on Alex's jaw, visible now, since she changed her position.

"Thank you" - she finally says

She can see Alex frowning slightly - "For what?"

At first, Kelly shrugs, looking at her fingers placed against Alex's collarbone, then, still looking at them, she moves them to Alex's lips, pressing delicately before she looks into Alex's eyes - "For being here." - she says and she probably could list more detailed reasons, but all of them, like just simply being alive and choosing Kelly out of all the ladies. All of those reasons for under what she said, besides, now she just wants to enjoy having her girlfriend in her arms, or rather, being in arms of her girlfriend.

Alex raises her eyebrows - "Okay" - then she turns on her back, pulling Kelly on top of her and Kelly really doesn't mind. Alex's arms around her, holding her tight against Alex's body, the way she can hear the director's heartbeat, string and clear... it's perfect. Right after feeling a kiss against top of her head, she hears Alex continuing - "There is nowhere else I'd rather be."

**Yeah, anyway, I hope you enjoyed and sorry for possible mistakes**.


End file.
